Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Okay then.

Well, well, well. It's been a long time coming. But I can explain! You see, I've been wanting to do this since April, but this post had so much awesome that I had to wait for internet technology to catch up to me! Yes, it is that awesome. So without further ado, let's talk!

Now unless you've been living in Czechoslovakia, (which is impossible so you must know of this) you've heard of a little thing called 3D. Now 3D is nothing new, but Hollywood has for some reason decided to make THIS 3D resurgence the one that will LAST! And they've said it by cramming it down our throats one cheap conversion and one expensive ticket at a time. So I decided that instead of making a thoughtful poignant essay about it, I'll just make a list of some of the 3D movies and make snarky comments about them. Hooray!

Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore:
Let's start with the title. Instead of "Pussy Galore" it's "Kitty Galore". It's funny because the character is a cat! HA HA HA HA! If this movie is even half as funny as the title, I'll go not see it twice! But this will make plenty of money. Because movies with dogs always make money!

Step Up 3D:
Awww yeah! If there's anything more exciting than watching people dance, it's watching people dance IN 3D! But I'm not clear on how the 3D is supposed to enhance it. Maybe you can get the feeling of sweat coming right at you? Maybe the shoelace can flicker so close to you that you can almost touch it? Maybe they wanted to make a few extra bucks? Yeah, it's probably that one.

You know, this is the 7th Saw movie. 7th. Let that just sink in for a while. Is anybody anticipating these anymore? Is anybody thinking "Boy I can't wait for the next Saw movie!"? Does anybody want to see heads get exploded and arms cut off in 3D? Does anybody want to see a movie like this on October 19th, over a week before Halloween? The answer is god I hope not.

Yogi Bear:
Really? Really? Well I can't blame them. The last CGI update of a cartoon from the 60's that hasn't been popular in many years worked out really well!

Well that's it. I hope to update within the next three months. Maybe I'll tone down the awesomeness just a bit.